What I struggle with most as a parent

This July I will have been a parent for 19 years.  

19 YEARS

I am 37 years old.  Over half my life I have been a mother and a wife.  I have been adjusting to this whole idea of raising small humans into large humans for 19 years.  Although it's been hard, I'm thinking I'm starting to learn.  

I have found that I have one part of life as a mother that is so much harder than any other parts.  

It's not taking care of babies, or lack of sleep for years on end.  

It's not being limited to what I can do because of a nursing baby. 

It's not worrying over sick kids. 

It's not homeschooling my hoard of minions. 

It's not even the endless chores or cleaning and laundry.  

No.  My biggest struggle?  It's allowing my kids to help me in the kitchen.  I have always struggled to let them cook with me.  

I can do it faster.  

They get underfoot. 

They don't do it exactly how I want. 

I have to stop what I'm doing and instruct them. 

It takes me three times longer. 

So tonight, as I'm making pork stew, my 7 year old daughter asked to help.  I immediately said no, thanks for asking, and to go on out.  

I stopped and thought.  It's Sunday dinner.  I'm in no hurry.  I ask her to peel the carrots.  When she's done I show her how to cut the carrots.  

**Yes, I let her use a knife.  They do cook, but not while I'm cooking.**

One that's done, she washes and cuts the celery. 

She had a ton of fun, and it actually saved me time.  I was flouting and browning the pork in batches as she did the veggies.  

My son got the stick down for me, opened the jars, and added them to the pot.  

My other daughter peeled potatoes for me.  

My 2, 4, 5, 7, and 8 year old kids all snapped green beans. 

It was a family event, and it all turned out perfect.  

The true meaning of happiness

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you think positive.  After Mila was born I kind of fell into a depressed state.  Things were dark in my mind.  I cried a lot.  I didn't want to do anything but snuggle my baby girl.  She was my all at that point.  I still got up and did my mom stuff.  I cooked.  I cleaned.  I don't want to though.  

Then, I decided to start focusing on positive energy.  I needed to put the negative away.  It was hurting me.  Today, I put it away.  It took a while.  Sometimes I dwell in it.  It's familiar.  However, it's not a friend.  

I love my family so much.  They are amazing.  My kids are awesome people and make me smile so many times daily.  My hubby tells me how great and beautiful I am.  I love them.  They show me the true meaning of happiness. 

Baby 10 is 10 weeks old today

Baby girl.  Baby Peanut.  Baby No Name.  Baby Sasha. Potato Girl. 

She's known by many names.  Today, my little Peanut, baby 10, is 10 weeks old.  

10 weeks?  Is that right??  I actually had to think about that for a few seconds.  Didn't she just join our family?  Isn't she still super tiny?  

10 weeks

She is absolutely the sweetest baby ever.  She hardly ever fusses.  Well, except for yesterday.  Poor baby was stuck with a tummy ache because mean mom ate a ton of ham an beans the night before.  I had to manage holding her and awkwardly wrap her to me.  It was an ugly wrap job, but she fell asleep. My sweet baby girl. 

She's full of smiles.  She laughs and talks to us all the time.  She's so strong and amazing.  The kids absolutely love her. 

She's passed about constantly.  She's loved so much.  I can't imagine her not in our lives.  What an amazing little family I have.  

Coffee, a Book, and Diaper Cream

That's what I'm looking at right now.  

I'm a mother.  It's true that I get a moment to ponder much, as I stay at home and homeschool 9 of my 10 kids.  I'm busy from the moment I get woken up at sunrise, to the time they go to bed around 9 or 10pm.  During my quiet time between them going to bed and me going to bed, I'm still nursing a baby and doing random stuff about the house.  

Today, as I sit on the couch nursing baby, I'm listening to the kids play upstairs.  There's no bickering.  There's noise and stomping.  There's yelling and excitement.  However, all seems quiet.  

I look across from me and see the coffee table.  This is my life.  A cup of coffee.  A book.  A bottle of diaper cream.  

My coffee is my daily "I need energy to keep going" drink.  I enjoy drinking it.  It's warm (or cold depending on how long it takes to drink it).  Usually I'm stuck finishing up a very cold cup, as I rarely drink it all while warm still.  

My book is what I've been reading to the kids.  One of the boys said the other day that "reading is boring".  GASP!!!  Noooo, you totally did not say that to me!  Reading is imagination run amok!  Reading is watching the movie in your head, only also knowing so much more about thoughts, feelings, and what's going on!  So I have them all sit down and Mon-Fri they listen to me read to them for an hour (or until my voice gives out) of the Narnia books. They love it, and I'm really looking forward to getting to The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe that they are familiar with.  I hope this is bringing an interest in reading for the younger ones. 

The diaper cream.  My babies.  There is always a piece of my babies lying around somewhere near me.  A diaper, cream, blanket, spare change of clothes, burp rag... Something close at hand.  It is a piece of me, and this reminds of my life as a mom.  

The picture is unedited.  I usually crop it to crop out any mess or craziness.  I left it.  There's ash on the floor that wasn't swept up.  The rug is askew.  The floor needs swept and vacuumed.  The tool bag is out, waiting to follow hubby to work tomorrow.  The wood stove is cold and won't be lit until dusk.  The ash pot is partially filled and next to the stove. It's all there.  It's my life.  Unedited and full of happiness.